Thursday, August 25, 2005

My offensive post on manliness and shorts

Althouse writes, "If you are in shorts, you are not a man." Pfft! Ann, you've got two strikes against you:

1. You are a woman. Real men don't let women define manhood -- that's how we got metrosexuals. Any "man" who takes fashion advice from a woman (except one to whom he is married -- dating doesn't count) or a Queer-Eye-wannabe is not a man. [Imagine, if you will, a Bizarro world in which women take fashion advice from men, and there is a TV show in which lesbians give fashion advice to straight women. Not lipstick lesbians -- really butch ones. Frightening for everyone not heavily invested in denim and plaid.]

2. You live in Wisconsin. Awfully big talk for Wisconsin. When I lived in Michigan and Indiana, I only wore shorts indoors. In fact, I can't recall ever wearing them outside, feeling that they were beneath my dignity. Now that I live in the South, it's another story. I wear shorts outdoors into late October. On the other hand, I don't wear winter coats (even though everyone else around here does). Wearing a winter coat this far south is beneath my dignity.

Now that I've offended everyone out there, from Northerners to Southerners to straight women to metrosexuals to lesbians to plaid manufacturers, I'm going to put on shorts, crack open a beer, and watch Mythbusters. Or maybe I'll rev up that new hammer drill I just bought, and punch some holes in some masonry. Or maybe I'll just nap on the sofa.


  1. Oh, yes, also excepting MacAllister Stone. I'd consider fashion advice from her.


    Any man who can wear shorts in Wisconsin in January is a MAN!

  3. rofl!!! Nice save, Doc.

    Nearly every woman I know--lesbian or straight--respects and appreciates men who are secure enough in themselves to just be men, without having to prove themselves by measuring up to whatever external silliness happens to be fashionable this week.

  4. Oh--and you just almost can't go wrong with dockers, long-sleeve shirts with ties, and a belt that matches your shoes.

  5. Actually, you want to talk MAN--try a suit and tie in the weather we have been having in Alabama of late.

    On that count, Nokes and I both tip the manliness scale in spades.

    Although Dr. Gill wimped out on convocation day and wouldn't stand and chat in the heat in our suits and ties, calling his maniless into serious question.