Confession of Plagiarism

This blog post may well be the end of my career. After reading the account of how a Harvard student unconsciously plagiarized a novel, and then this account of a newly-discovered Beckett play in the most trustworthy news source in America, The Onion, I realized that I too am guilty of unintentionally plagiarism.

I confess: I have unconsciously plagiarized this Beckett play. According to this account, the newly-discovered Beckett play consists of 23 blank pages. Surely it was my subconscious feelings of guilt that drew my eyes to my very own printer, which, even at this very moment, contains 23 blank pages. In fact, my malfeasance runs even deeper; the printer has more than 23 blank pages in it, suggesting that I may have also plagiarized some of Beckett's shorter works.

Just as the narrator of "The Tell-Tale Heart" was tormented by the sound of the beating heart beneath the floorboards, I am shamed by other reminders of my sin: un-graded papers, un-expanded conference presentations, and one un-written poem. I am even mocked by a stack of blank post-it notes.

I retreat now to bed, where I will weep in a fetal position, alone with my shame.