The 'Zoo is now officially underway ... and I'm still stuck in Troy. I'm planning to spend all day preparing for the trip (laundry and whatnot), and I won't even leave until bright and early tomorrow morning. Then, because of family issues in Indiana, I'll be driving, which I estimate will take about 15 hours. I won't even get into the conference until Saturday.
Today is the big blogger gathering, and I won't be there! I plan, therefore, to spend part of my afternoon pouting.
Of course, on the other hand, I may very well be the only medievalist blogging today. Perhaps I could use this monopoly to spread around some crackpot ideas since most of those qualified to debunk them are currently freezing/sweltering in the non-airconditioned dorms at K'zoo. Oh, yes, the power!
Therefore, without further incipit, let me present these crackpot ideas in Courier font, the favored font of crackpots around the world:
Some Little Known Medieval "Facts" (that I just made up)
- The DaVinci Code is absolutely, 100% true, and not a bunch of boilerplated nonsense.
- The "Dark Ages" really were dark. Sunlight wasn't invented until 1634.
- The Round Table was more of an oval, because Arthur had a leaf insert to give the knights more elbow room.
- After Marcellus uttered the line "I'm gonna get medieval on your ass" in Pulp Fiction, he offered his captors mead, then they danced around the Maypole. Unfortunately, this scene was cut from the film, creating some confusion about what he meant.
- Viking ships (at least those from Denmark) were made out of legos. Of course, legos weren't as advanced in those days, so they were duplos.
- Axe body spray was invented by sexy german woodcutters in the thirteenth century.
- Because his workout was unbalanced, Chaucer had a huge, powerful upper body, and weak, teeny little spaghetti legs, as this manuscipt image proves. We do have some evidence, though, that later in life he got a Bowflex and corrected this problem.
- Eleanor of Aquitaine was a fanatical SCUBA diver. In fact, the word "aquitane" is a corruption of the Middle English word for "aqualung." It is also rumored that she was a groupie following around Jethro Tull on tour, but this remains speculation.
There. Now you know some facts about the Middle Ages to amaze your friends.