Thursday, October 27, 2005

Civilization and my Savage Self

The release of the Civilization IV computer game snuck up on me. I received a breathless e-mail (er, figuratively breathless -- by their nature, all e-mails are without literal breath) from a friend reporting that its release was nigh.

Now I read from Timothy Burke that it is "great." Soon, I'll have another outlet for my megalomaniacal tendancies. Maybe I'll ask Santa to bring it to me.

Someone once wrote to me that I seemed quite sophisticated from my blog; ah, how deceiving appearances can be! Civilization brings out my most savage impulses. I have been known to nuke a single warrior out in the wilderness because his presence offended me. I will declare war at the slightest pretext. On my orders, stealth bombers have destroyed libraries, cathedrals, universities, and hospitals. I have been known to poison the water supplies of towns. On occasion, I have razed a city to the ground amid the wailing of its women. I have kept slaves, possessed huge pirate fleets, and encouraged enemies to destroy my "friends." Oh, yes, I have done all these things, and more.

Lord of the Flies suggests that the removal of boys from society sparks their most savage instincts. In my case, a keyboard and mouse are enough to enable atrocities dwarfing the maddest ambitions of Hitler, Mao, or Stalin.


  1. Dr. Nokes -- or should I say "Dr. Nukes" -- considers the new computer game Civilization IV and wonders if he should "ask Santa to bring it."

    Based on your track record destroying civilizations, I suggest that you request the game from one more appropriate, whose name is a simple anagram of "Santa."

    Jeffery Hodges

    * * *

  2. appalling, Doc!

    I'm a civilization fan, too--but my play style tends toward "accumulate vast wealth, make peace with everyone but the most truculent (squash them, though)--usher in a utopian dawn heretofore undreamt..."

  3. Anonymous7:45 AM

    No, no, no, a thousand times no! You solidify your base, then beging to gobble up all the contiguous nations until you own the continent. That way you cannot be invaded except by sea. Then you start building your spaceship. Once the spaceship is built, you can go back to world domination.

    Civ IV. Hee hee hee hee hee hee . . . . How many days 'till Christmas (not that it matters -- my wife won't buy it for me, because she has no desire to be a Civ widow again.)?

  4. Crush them! Crush them all!

    The same applies for Age of Empires and Starcraft.

  5. Anonymous10:39 AM

    Civ II is how I got through my thesis process without being arrested, I'm sure. I'd name a civilization after my advisor and wipe them off the face of the earth. Again, and again, and again. Cheap therapy.